Can I just start by saying, I love my two kids. I love being their mama. I love their hugs and kisses, and the look of excitement on their tiny faces when I walk in the room. I love their insane giggles. I love having conversations with Juniper, and I love the fact that even though Flynn is enormous now he still acts like my little baby.
I’d also like to say though that I am tired. And it doesn’t have much to do with the fact that it’s almost 2:00 in the morning and I find myself once again not able to go to sleep. I’m tired on the inside. It seems lately that my patience levels have been terribly low and I just don’t have the energy to deal with my very lively children in a calm and loving way. Especially when they are screaming and throwing toys at each other all day. I just want to quit, and sink back into that little room in the back of my head. I knew that room well when I was pregnant with Flynn. (This post is always a good read when I’m falling back there.) I know there is just a lot of exciting stuff going on right now, with all of the cousins around to play with. But I can’t wait until excitement doesn’t equal insanity. “Oh I’m so happy to be there that I’m going to throw a kicking fit on the floor if I have to eat anything other than ice cream!” Yeah, it’s been fun.
I feel like such a terrible mom for being so excited about starting my full-time job in two weeks. I feel bad that I’m looking forward to some time away from home. These kids aren’t going to be kids forever and I feel like I’m taking this time for granted. Today I picked up Juniper and I realized that she won’t be small enough to carry for much longer, and it made me cry. I wanted to carry her all day, but heck I’m not super woman – that girl is heavy!
I have good kids. They really are sweethearts. I just hope this random tantrum phase passes quickly.
I didn’t mean for this post to seem so depressing. I’m fine really. I just need some sleep. Ok, maybe lots of sleep. And a kiss from my husband couldn’t hurt either. I can’t wait to see him next week, I sure have missed him.