Can I just start by saying, I love my two kids. I love being their mama. I love their hugs and kisses, and the look of excitement on their tiny faces when I walk in the room. I love their insane giggles. I love having conversations with Juniper, and I love the fact that even though Flynn is enormous now he still acts like my little baby.

I’d also like to say though that I am tired. And it doesn’t have much to do with the fact that it’s almost 2:00 in the morning and I find myself once again not able to go to sleep. I’m tired on the inside. It seems lately that my patience levels have been terribly low and I just don’t have the energy to deal with my very lively children in a calm and loving way. Especially when they are screaming and throwing toys at each other all day. I just want to quit, and sink back into that little room in the back of my head. I knew that room well when I was pregnant with Flynn. (This post is always a good read when I’m falling back there.) I know there is just a lot of exciting stuff going on right now, with all of the cousins around to play with. But I can’t wait until excitement doesn’t equal insanity. “Oh I’m so happy to be there that I’m going to throw a kicking fit on the floor if I have to eat anything other than ice cream!” Yeah, it’s been fun.

I feel like such a terrible mom for being so excited about starting my full-time job in two weeks. I feel bad that I’m looking forward to some time away from home. These kids aren’t going to be kids forever and I feel like I’m taking this time for granted. Today I picked up Juniper and I realized that she won’t be small enough to carry for much longer, and it made me cry. I wanted to carry her all day, but heck I’m not super woman – that girl is heavy!

I have good kids. They really are sweethearts. I just hope this random tantrum phase passes quickly.

I didn’t mean for this post to seem so depressing. I’m fine really. I just need some sleep. Ok, maybe lots of sleep. And a kiss from my husband couldn’t hurt either. I can’t wait to see him next week, I sure have missed him.

6 thoughts on “Tired

  1. Well even though we barely know each other, I think you're doing a great job with your kids! Of course this is based on the blog posts I read. =)
    I love that feather in Juniper's hair.

    • I'm glad we pretend to know each other :)

      Juniper calls it her "green hair" hahaha My sister put it in for her.

  2. Hang on, hon. Soon you'll be home in your own bed and things will be back to 'normal.'
    It is great that your Mom will let you sleep in. I bet Shaun has really missed you and the kids too!

    • My own bed *dreamy far off look* Oh! And the kids with have their own rooms and beds now too!

  3. New here, from Brambles & Honey :)

    I'm struggling w/the same things you are with my 4 year old. She starts school in the Fall, and most days I find myself looking forward to it. On the other hand…I've been with her since the day she was born, the thought of our separation makes me cry. And carrying my baby girl? She's half my height now…it's very, difficult.

    • Hahaha yeah I miss when she was tiny and I could hold her all day! I guess mamas need a break sometimes so we can regain a little energy to be loving and supportive every day.